Taco Hell

“Is that all?” he asked, the cheesy fluorescent photos behind him illuminating a greasy scalp and a dandruff problem.

“Yeah,” I muttered, still in shock that I actually walked into this fast food joint. It’d been ten, long years. And as I stared at the bag, grease seeping through the cheaply-printed brown bag, I felt an equal dose of guilt and shame.

Taco Hell, indeed.

My $7 meal — three barely-there “Double Decker” tacos, satchel of fries, and a regular (read: enormous) Dr Pepper soda — will produce barely enough energy to get me to the toilet and back. Far more memorable was the amount of paper it produced, enough to make me weep for Brazilian rain forests, but not enough to entertain my cat for longer than four minutes.

But what totally soured my cheap-ass meal was the sound of jiggling ice cubes in the Toyota Yaris Hatchback. Oh, and the rustling bag on the front seat over every bump. The Yaris took up the lead from there, providing a soundtrack worthy of Mozart himself: 106 strained horsepower being squeezed, like the last morsel of toothpaste, through a four-speed automatic transmission.

Actually, I lie. The Yaris Hatchback — in all its $15,775 glory — is strangely fun. The options? That automatic I mentioned and air conditioning. Luxury touches include key entry and roll-up windows.

Despite being one of the least expensive vehicles on sale, $15,000 is a lot of money. Browsing Canadian used-car sites, input that figure and you’re treated to a listing of V8-powered Dodge Magnums, any-trim-you-can-think-of Mazda6 models, and TDI-powered Volkswagen Golfs.

Fifteen-large will also buy you a helluva lot of transit passes, cab vouchers, and $20s to your friends as gas money. It’d get you around the world, a few nights at a posh hotel, or a fountain of Cristal.

If your budget is for just “a car,” you can expect to find reasonably good transportation for $5000. Budget another $2000 for maintenance and it’d last far longer than the Yaris’ five year warranty…and your 60 month financing plan.

I’m not saying the Yaris is a bad car by any stretch, but that cars are damned expensive purchases. And if you trawl the least-expensive models, you’ll be treated to depreciation, noise, little space, finance payments, and the fact you’ve “given in” to buying a new car, instead of shopping for an older one.

Like my impulsive Mexican food craving, $7 seems like an inexpensive meal. But if I’d been grocery shopping, that amount would easily have covered a can of organic soup, some nice goat cheese, crackers, a bit of dessert, and a bottle of San Pellegrino.

The moral of this story? There’s “cheap” and there’s “inexpensive.” Chances are the former won’t take much time, but the latter will save you money.